Local Man Buys $900 Yard Sculpture

Last week Mybane, NC native Peter-Built Rogers spent $900 on an eight-foot-tall, brass sculpture of an ostrich. Odd considering that for the last 44 years the 53-year-old has worked as a janitor at Gasless Jim's, a restuarant/souvenir shop/massage parlor/truck stop located picturesquely just off Exit 149.

This reporter spoke to Mr. Rogers during his break from squeegeeing the massage booths at Gasless Jim's. Our conversation follows, edited for clarity and ignorance.

Sun: Why spend double your monthly income on a brass ostrich for your front yard?

Peter-Built Rogers: Well, it touched me, Sun. Brought me down hard on the dirt, gone. Cried at it's avian majesty like a baby seeing a boob full of milk for the first time. Had to have the gawdurn thing no matter what!

S: Will you still be able to feed your belligerent children?

PBR: The Brass Ostrich will bring abundance. Abundance and judgement against all who wronged me or second guessed Trump. The Brass Ostrich now does my bidding.

While this reporter was in conversation with Peter-Built Rogers, his beautiful inbred wife, Mae-Joon Rogers, snuck up behind the male Rogers and beat him upon the noggin with a brown beer bottle, bitterly.

Mae-Joon Rogers (screaming like a Redneck Banshee): We were gunna send Left-Handed Earl to Snake Creek State now he gotta settle for Harvard!

After the brief, brown beer bottle beating came to an end, Peter-Built Rogers was sent to Fumbuck Regional Hospital where he was pronounced Dead On Arrival. Later, his diagnosis was raised to "Probably Alive, Maybe."

When asked the days events, The Brass Ostrich was strangely cryptic in its Sphinx-like stoicy.

In a related story, during a field trip a second grade student was offered residency at Fumbuck Regional Hospital after correctly diagnosing a formerly dead patient as "Probably Alive, Maybe."

-Insane Sun Newsography Staff

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love Come Round, A Short and Puzzling Story

Image
All  my life I have wanted to be a filmmaker, an independent movie director who also wrote and acted. I grew up on Charlie Chaplin and Alfred Hitchcock before discovering Spielberg, Zemecksis and later Scorsese, Gilliam and David Lynch. Lynch has been a huge influence ever since my mother took me to see "Dune" in the theater. I was hooked and have studied Lynch's work closely since. I believe that movies should first and foremost be entertaining. Secondly, movies should be art. Complex. Kathartic. I made this film in 48 hours for a competition. It remains one of the favorites of all the shorts I have made. We really experimented and did some fun things. It's important to note that the actors were acting in front of a rear projection screen that projected the background live as the actors did their thing in front. It was fun to watch the actors practice over and over again to get the timing just right as some actors were acting to actors who had been recorded earl...
Read more

Make America Rock Again by The Trumpettes

Image
It's been since twenty-sixteen When we turned this ship around It's been since twenty-sixteen And our now Homeland is sound. We hear no disagreements From pastors or Supremacists There's good guys on both sides But mostly ours, because we Made America Rock Again! Make America Rock Again! We're gonna shake DC down to bits, Gonna grab some pussy By the tits, we're gonna Make America Rock Again! Make America Rock Again! It's all true If we say That it's true Blue Zoo can Sue Red Crew But It's not true If we say It's not true Even if it's true. Look up, while you rock America Look up, Overhead An Eagle dreams  Overhead There's eagle's wings Overhead Tip to tip they touch Overhead Our heads we see The tips touch Overhead Tip to tip, head to head They touch Overhead. These knees don't kneel! America the beautiful, We watch you Rock again! It's been since twenty-sixteen When we turned this ship a...
Read more